The years go by, the months, the weeks, the days, the hours and I'm still at the same dead end. A whole life devoted to one passion: creativity. So many years spent taking images, retouching them. Creating visuals, trying out new techniques, looking for new ideas. I've tried so many programs, so many cameras and accessories, travelled so many miles, been to so many places and yet, today, I still feel that I haven't fulfilled my dreams, that I can't bring them to life. But can I articulate it? Can I define it? Or am I my own worst enemy, holding back any chance of success?
Even as a child, I loved to draw, to such an extent that my teachers were indignant that all document of mine contained a drawing, a sketch or an illustration. Even as a child, I doubted my skills, systematically considering that my creations did not live up to my expectations. There's a question that keeps coming back: "Why does an artist create? What motivates a creative person to keep on producing? Why does a painter produce hundreds of canvases, sometimes even with the same motif, the same model? Could it be the dissatisfaction with the work we've done that drives us to do better? Could it be a lack of self-confidence that forces us to look to art for what we lack in ourselves?
Why is it so difficult to sell yourself as a creative? Or am I really so uninteresting (...or my work)?
For over a year now, my financial reserves have been plummeting into freefall, with no (or almost no) income coming in. Total nothingness, at least professionally. No answers, no solutions, no openings, as far as I can see. Yet the dreams are still there, still present. To do dance photography again, to do an exhibition of the portraits I've taken around the world, to publish and sell in a gallery the images of these street scenes I've taken across Asia over the last 7 years, or to see my drone images displayed on a wall, on an aluminium plate, in beautiful light. Being able to FINALLY use the HUGELY hours of footage and pictures I've taken over the last few years to make/sell interesting stories. Being able to work for agencies and provide them with beautiful visuals. To make sure that all the energy I've spent so far finally pays off, and gives me financial security and the ability to fund my future travels. To find the opportunity to stay HERE in Japan, to find a nice place to settle and be able to live my creativity to the full, comfortably both financially and psychologically.
Have you ever been in a situation like this? Did you come out on top? What did you do, how did you get out of it or how did you develop it?
And if you find yourself in the same situation, what are your thoughts and how do you deal with them?
